Anguished English- POD

Anguished English is the impossibly funny anthology of accidental assaults upon our common language. From bloopers and blunders to Signs of the Times to Mixed-Up Metaphors . . . from Two-Headed Headlines to Mangling Modifiers . . . it’s a collection that will leave you roaring with delight and laughter. Help wanteds: Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. Two-Headed Headlines: Grandmother of eight makes hole in one! Doctor testifies in horse suit. Modern-Day Malapropisms: I suffer from a deviant septum.

Anguished English is the impossibly funny anthology of accidental assaults upon our common language. From bloopers and blunders to Signs of the Times to Mixed-Up Metaphors . . . from Two-Headed Headlines to Mangling Modifiers . . . it’s a collection that will leave you roaring with delight and laughter.

One of the fringe benefits of being an English or history teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a student blooper in an essay or test paper.

INTRODUCTION…..vii I. SCHOOLISHNESS Student Bloopers Win Pullet Surprises…..3 The World According to Student Bloopers…..7 Excuses, Excuses…..16 II. THE BLUNDERFUL WORLD OF BLOOPERS Disorder in the Court!…..21 Accidental Bloopers…..27 Wholly Holy Bloopers…..31 It’s an Ad, Ad, Ad, Ad, World…..37 Signs of the Times…..41 Welfare Bloopers Fare Well…..47 Stop the Presses!…..49 Two-Headed Headlines…..56 III. INSPIRED GIBBERISH Modern Day Malapropisms…..69 Mixed-Up Metaphors…..77 An Irish Bull is Always Pregnant…..82 Goldwynisms and Berraisms…..87 Lost In Translation…..93 IV. GRAMMER GAFFES Mangling Modifers…..101 References Wanted…..105 Laffing at Mispellings…..109 Howta Reckanize American Slurvian…..114